Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
