forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
