Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
