He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
