Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
