Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
