i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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