PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize