I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
