and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
