You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
