Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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