I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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