Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
