I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
