My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
two words: eviction party
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
