too bad you live with your parents still
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
