we have officially lost it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED