I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus