the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.