yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.