you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions