Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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