Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
