Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
