Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
