you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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