Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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