Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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