Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Girls should come with a carfax report
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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