I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
