this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize