Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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