I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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