Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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