I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
