She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
