she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
