Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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