I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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