I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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