Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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