I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i think my cat just said my name.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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