I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
