like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
