Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
