Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
