If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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