I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
