I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
