why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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