I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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