he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
