I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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