smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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