Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
