Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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