how can u be prego again
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
