I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
