Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
