Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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