addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
