i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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