i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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