ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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