party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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