Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
