she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
