Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
