I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
