Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
