The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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