It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
