I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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