The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
